


You don't name your lab rats

by Bored_Cinnamon_roll67



Category: Wolf 359 (Radio)
Genre: ALL THE ANGST, Angst, But like kind of a happy ending, God - Freeform, Hilbert is a fool of a took, Like, M/M, Mentions of Death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-16
Updated: 2017-02-16
Packaged: 2018-09-24 21:41:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,152
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9788309
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bored_Cinnamon_roll67/pseuds/Bored_Cinnamon_roll67





	

Love has no place in science.  
There is no room for affection in science. In order for experiments to carry out optimally, you must push aside feeling, affection, love.  
It has no place. No place.  
Hilbert knew this. Or Selberg. Or Volodin. It didn't matter.  
Yes, it did. It mattered because neither Selberg nor Volodin would have ever let this happen.  
Rule number one, do not get attached.  
You don't name your lab rats.  
\---------------------------  
Why was it different this time? Why now? On the cusp of discovery, of triumph, why now? Two years ago, Selberg would have killed indiscriminately and easily. It would have been for the greater good. One does not argue with logic. He would have known this.  
But now, he cannot. Hilbert cannot. Because this time, this incarnation, something has gone wrong. Hilbert has made a fatal mistake. He has gotten attached.  
\-----------------------------  
Feelings are odd. And terrible. And good, but mostly awful. In the mornings, Hilbert will get up, and check on current experiments, but he will also do something else. Something he has never done in previous Hephaestus missions. Hilbert will walk to the counter in his lab, and brew a single cup of coffee. Not for himself, but for a certain officer who happens to be very fond of it. And it is terrifying. It's frightening how good this simple act, this gesture of friendliness towards this communications officer can make him feel.  
How utterly horrific to feel himself be endeared by the haphazard, sleepy officer who sometimes wears his hair in a bun in the mornings.  
How awful to feel his heart beat just a little faster when their fingers brush the as the same officer reaches for the coffee that was painstakingly crafted for him and him alone. But, at the same time, spectacularly wonderful.  
\--------------------------------  
There were very few things Hilbert was captivated by. One of these things just happened to be a certain officer's eyes. So light, so full of life. And so, so green. Green like new leaves on trees, or emeralds. Green like... Something he'd like very much to forget. If he could forget the way he felt, everything would be so much easier. And he tried to forget. Tried to forget his feelings. But things like feelings are not so easily forgotten, especially when they are so strong.  
In a last ditch effort to forget, Hilbert threw himself into his work, all hours of the monotone days and nights. 

He stopped making coffee.

But, a certain green eyed officer who is remarkably lazy in most areas is ironically determined to help.  
If only he understood. Knocking on the door whenever minor explosion goes off, sounding worried on the other side of the door does not help.  
Sitting in the lab, handing him tools does not help.  
Worrying and fussing over the last time Hilbert slept, or ate, or practiced some act of self preservation does not help.  
At this point, nothing could. Hilbert had failed. Everything was for nothing, now. All the lives he'd taken, all the lies he'd told. All wasted. He'd failed.  
\-------------------------------  
When the green eyed officer started to show signs of decima, it was all Hilbert could do to contain himself. His façade was cracking. When was the last time he cried? The next was bound to be soon.  
He'd done this.  
How could he?  
He was evil.  
He hated himself.  
Felt sorry for himself.  
Felt sorry for the people he'd killed.  
Felt sorry for the officer with the green eyes.

And did it make him feel better, or didn't it, to make that green eyed officer happy? Did it not feel nice to make him a new batch of that disgusting candy evey day?  
Was it not pleasing to see the officer's face light up and to hear the praise flow so freely from him? It was and it wasn't. He felt and he did not. He was Hilbert and he.... Was Hilbert. And Hilbert, was a failure.  
\------------------------------  
The only upside to all of this was him. That damned green eyed officer. Who made everything in his life so difficult, and yet, so easy.  
Easy, in the fact that Hilbert could confide in him. Could go to him for help. Easy in the sense that Eiffel trusted, respected him. Easy in the feeling of being wanted by someone that you also want.  
And sometimes, it was so, so easy for Hilbert to lose focus. To loose sight of that glorious end goal. Because this man, was also glorious.  
\----------------------------------  
When Hilbert got the message from command, it devastated him. Things had been going so well. Decima was under control, nobody had died and earlier that day the green eyed officer had actually hugged him. It was like a bucket of ice cold water being dumped on him.  
He could kill Minkowski. He could dismember Hera. He could not kill... Douglas. 

That was it. He named the labrat. He got attached. And he'd be damned if he wasn't fiercely in love.  
\----------------------------------  
Hilbert was not usually one for many thanks, but he was eternally grateful that Doug still had his oxygen mask.  
\----------------------------------  
Threaten to flush him out the airlock, fine. Destroy his data, fine. Tell Douglas all the horrible things that filled his past, he deserved it.  
Do not, however harm Douglas Eiffel. Anything but that. What do you want to know, Minkowski? Anything, anything but that. Please.  
Please.  
\-------------------------------  
Douglas did not forgive him.  
But he also did not resent him quite so thoroughly as Minkowski. His visits were not of interrogation, but of... Sympathy? Pity? Dare he think.... Affection?  
\--------------------------------  
When Douglas returned from being lost in deep space, Hilbert cried. He thought he had lost him forever. Doug was missing hair, most of his fingernails and a good portion of his sanity, but he was still the most beautiful thing Hilbert had ever seen. He was there. He was alive. And that's all that mattered.  
\----------------------  
While Hilbert treated the many injuries Douglas had sustained, Doug faded in and out of consciousness. It was probably the best sleep the poor man had gotten in a long time.  
\-------------------------  
Hilbert was happy to see the officer improving. He was also happy to take advantage of the fact that it was very easy to fall right back into that same pattern of.... Whatever it was they had.  
He started making Doug coffee, again. Which the officer greatly appreciated, maybe even more so than before, gushing about how great it tasted, how great Hilbert was, how nice it was to be back. How great it will be to be off the station and back to earth someday.  
\------------------------  
Maybe, if this man believes, then Hilbert can, too.  
Because if this man with the sparkling green eyes, the unwavering, unshakable sense of humor, the amazing courage and the most wonderful person Hilbert has ever met, if he can find good in Hilbert, maybe Hilbert can, too.  
\-----------------------


End file.
